1. Who, Why, What

Who: MetalJustice.com is maintained by some computer squid who we’ve never met that we found on Craig’s List. At times MJ may also be referred to as “we”, “us”, “MetalJustice.com” or (“MJ”). The person who is viewing or interacting this site will be referred to as “you”, “hey you”, or where appropriate “butthead” (but only if you’re being bad).

Why: This Terms of Service Agreement (“Agreement”) is our contract with you, and tells you what you can and can’t do and what we can and can’t do with you.

What: Metal Justice is a big time, bad ass 80s metal rock band. I mean, we are huge f*****g rock stars. We play the best music in the history of the world… big hair 80s metal. We are major shit. We make $$$$$ anyway we can, but primarily by: (1) letting really good-looking, sexy chicks pay for everything just for letting them hang around us plus other favors; (2) playing major international concert shows; and (3) selling Metal Justice merch shit. Actually, that’s the main way we make money. Except for the chicks. If you’re buying something from us, you will PAY for what you order, when you order it. Since we wear the spandex pants around here, if you post something on our blog, it’s up to us whether we’ll let your post stay on the blog or not, and just like your high school prom date, we may reject you when you try to go too far…so be like us, and try it again.

2. VERY BAD THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT DO

We want you to worship us like the major rock stars we are… we really do. But the internet is a dangerous place, and we don’t like danger spilling over onto our website. So while some of this may seem OBVIOUS, we have to tell you because sometimes it’s good to be reminded. So when using our site we expect the following:

• Don’t Spam, or use this site to sell your crap without our permission. This isn’t Craig’s List.
• Don’t give us viruses or try and hack your way into our computers.
• Don’t post comments on our blog that are useless.
• Don’t be a robot. Robots are evil. That means don’t use auto posters that are meant to leave things like “You blog has great informashuns! Thank you! Best content 2007! I my wife tell me about your site, I say I no believe but she write…you best Site!” with anchor text to your crappy site about “Best Los Angeles Dog Groomers”. Seriously….don’t.
• Don’t be a butthead. A butthead is someone who discriminates, defrauds, hates, or acts like an idiot. Don’t do any of that. We’ll ban you.
• Don’t post things that you’re not supposed to or don’t have permission for.
• Don’t do other things that we don’t like, which is up to us.

If you follow the rules, you can stay. If you don’t, we can kick you out, haul your ass to court, or tell the Alphabet boys what you’ve done so they’ll put you under surveillance. Our failure to enforce against one person is not a waiver to enforce our rights at any time for the same or different offenses.

3. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

Don’t steal our shit. By shit, we mean the awesome content, pictures or videos (altogether known as “Content”). Our Content is protected by all the freaking laws you can think of. Seriously. This means don’t use it, think of using it, or even stare at it with the intention of doing something we didn’t give you permission to do.

If you’re giving us content for our site, you’re pinky swearing, Scout’s honor that it’s yours or you have permission to use it in the way you’re using it. So if you jack someone else’s shit and try and pass it off to us like “oh hey bro, it’s cool you can totally use this” then you’re going to pay for anything bad that happens to us, our girlfriends, our pets, our manager (he’s an ass) or our booking agent (he’s an even bigger dick).

4. RESPONSIBILITIES AND YOU BREAK IT YOU BOUGHT IT.

MJ may allow you to post content. You agree you will only post in accordance to this Agreement, and agree to remain responsible for anything that you post. By posting your content you’re giving us the right to use that content via a license to use it how we please. Seriously, we can take your content and hack the crap out of it, spin it, and even make money off of it without paying you a dime. We’ll send you a box of premium carame corn though…maybe…actually, probably not. This “license” is not revocable and goes on forever and ever and ever and ever. But wait… there’s more. If anything bad happens because of something you submit, you agree to pay us our legal bills, or other bills that may result because of what you submit. Are you still here? OK, read on.

5. U MAD? GONNA LAWYER UP BRO?

We have lawyers who like 80s metal. A whole team of them that are ready to knife fight on a whim, but we’d rather resolve this like the gentlemen that most ladies will tell you we aren’t. So if you have a problem with us, you agree that you will first come to us and tell us about this problem.